


Is Enough Really Enough?

by I_Ship_It_21



Series: Prompt List [2]
Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV), Thirteen Reasons Why - Jay Asher
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Panic Attacks, prompt list
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2017-11-05
Packaged: 2019-01-29 14:50:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12633333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_Ship_It_21/pseuds/I_Ship_It_21
Summary: "I'm not good enough for you, I never have been and I never will be."





	Is Enough Really Enough?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cathy_stas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cathy_stas/gifts).



> Justlex
> 
> 76\. “I’ll never be good enough.”  
> 90\. “I’m trying.”

Justin felt like shit to say the least. He just had to watch a stranger help his boyfriend through a panic attack. It’s not exactly like he didn’t help but he didn’t; he had every intention to help and he wanted to but his legs didn't seem to get the memo. He froze. He saw what was happening and he knew it was happening but all he could do was stand there, silent, and watch. Luckily for Alex, a man in the store also saw what was happening and rushed in to help. 

‘Alex would be better with him,’ Justin thought, ‘he seems really sweet and he won't freeze when Alex needs him, not to mention he's more attractive than me.’ Justin's face fell further as his thoughts continued, ‘I'm not good enough for him. No matter how hard I try I always freeze when he needs me. He deserves someone who can take care of him, he deserves someone who shows affection towards the boy, someone who Alex can count on to help him through everything, someone who wasn't Justin.’

They pulled into the parking lot of their apartment complex, Alex parking in their designated parking space. He shut off the car and turned to Justin, “you've been unusually quiet, are you okay?”

“I'm fine,” Justin answered quickly, “why are you asking me if I'm okay? Are you okay? Are you feeling any better? Do you need anything? You shouldn't have drove,” Justin rushed out, almost in a panicked way. 

“Justin, slow down,” Alex started, “I'm fine. My head hurts a bit and I still feel shaky but other than that everything's fine. I'm gonna lay down in the dark and quiet when we go inside. I'm asking if you're okay because you've been silent the entire way home and you're really pale. Are you sure you're fine?”

“Are you sure you're fine?” Justin retorted in an almost angry yet sarcastic tone. 

Alex ignored him and got out of the car, “come on,” he said as he walked to their door. 

Justin watched Alex enter the apartment through the rear view mirror. When he was out of sight and the door was closed Justin threw his head back and sighed, putting his hands over his face. He waited in the car for a few more minutes before getting out and going into the apartment and laying on the couch. Alex was getting tired of this and Justin wondered how much longer Alex would actually put up with him. He was snappy and he got defensive too quickly, he knew it was annoying and that Alex hated it, hell, he hated it too. He wanted to change, not just for himself but for Alex too. He wanted to be the one that Alex wanted, the one he needed. 

“What are you doing?” Alex asked, pulling Justin from his thoughts. 

‘When did he get there?’ Justin thought, ‘how long was I spacing out for?’

“Just… Thinking,” he responded. 

Alex nodded and walked over to sit next to him, “do you mind telling me what you were thinking about?” He asked. 

“You.”

“Me? What about me?”

“That you deserve better than me.”

“Justin, what are you talking about?”

“I'm not what you need,” Justin started being interrupted by Alex. 

“Fucking bullshit. Why are you saying this, what brought this on?”

“I just,” he paused to sigh, “I’m not good enough for you; I’ll  _ never _ be good enough for you.”

“What brought this on?” Alex repeated.

“I’ve been thinking it for a long time now but today just sent me over the edge.”

“You mean my panic attack?”

“No, the fact that I froze when you had a panic attack. I couldn’t help you, someone else had to. I’ve tried to pretend to be good for you for so long but I’m not and I never will be. You need someone that you can rely on to help you when you need it and that’s not me.”

“So? You were scared, that’s not something you’re used to so freezing is a natural reaction. That’s something that can change, you won’t always freeze.”

“Are you sure about that?” Justin asked.

“Yes I’m fucking sure. I don’t care if you aren’t ‘good enough’ for me,” he said, using finger quotes. “I love you; you, and  _ only _ you. I don’t want anybody else and I don’t need anybody else.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Alex smiled, “now, let’s go to bed it’s late.”

Justin nodded and the two went and both got ready for bed, laying down and cuddling up to each other. Alex had his head rested on Justin’s chest, Justin’s arms wrapped around him when Justin sighed.

“What’s wrong?” Alex asked.

“Did you mean what you said earlier or were you just trying to get me to shut up?”

“A little of both,” Alex joked before turning serious, “of course I meant it. I love you more than I love anyone else and you’re the only person I want to be with. I don’t care that you froze, you still aren’t used to me having panic attacks, you don’t know what to do when I have them and that’s okay. You will learn what to do, even if it’s a slow process, even if for now the only thing you can do is hold me and wait for me to calm down then that’s enough.  _ You _ are enough.” Alex had turned while talking and now stared into Justin’s eyes who leaned forward and kissed Alex’s forehead. Alex smiled, “and yes, I was also trying to shut you up.”

“Well that’s rude,” Justin responded.

“Well I don’t like hearing you talk bad about yourself. You’ve said things like that since we first got together of how you don’t think you’re good enough for me. I want to make you believe that you are good enough for me. I want you to know that you’re the only one I want, the only one I love, and that I wouldn’t trade you for anyone in the world.”

“Even Evan Peters?”

“I’d choose you over Evan Peters any day.”

“Really?”

“Mhmm, I love you; not him.”

“I’d choose you over Brendon Urie or Ryan Ross.”

Alex laughed and laid his head back down on Justin's chest, “good.”

“I love you Lex.”

“I love you too Jus,” Alex said as both boys started drifting off to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this took so long and I hope you like it!


End file.
